"It will be fine"..........

Standing in the back porch of our home I fell. The porch is empty besides recycling. I just fell. I do this sometimes with my health. One minute I am standing and a second later I hit ground. My daughter's rush to my side to help. One goes and gets the neighbor and one grabs a phone to call 911. This is how my summer began.
My least favorite phrase from doctors is "It will be fine". I know my health. I know my disability. In the end when all is said and done it is fine. But the road to the end is usually a bumpy one at best.

I sit in the ER waiting for the technicians and nurses. The first doctor arrives and well says " It is a break through the wrist" I sigh thinking okay a summer of heat in a cast for awhile no biggie! It isn't fall and the major part of my spring/summer knitting is finished. I think to myself that I can do this.

As I am driving around with a sling and brace until I can be seen at the Bone clinic I get a call. A nurse on the line drastically says over the phone "you need to come to the bone clinic right away". Oy, another sigh another day.

As we sit in the waiting room I ponder what all the fuss is about over a simple break. We are escorted to the x-ray technician and of course out of curiosity I ask what's up? Nothing. A few images into this I ask, Can you tell me what you are seeing or imaging? No, sorry but "it will be fine"......

Now sitting I am growing more and more nervous and if you know me personally I am about ready to scream that I am dying! I can't take this suspense. Just tell me already. I sit and begin to pray. Lord, help me learn patience.

I am told the break was very unusual. I am asked, How did you fall? "I was standing and down I went in the back porch of our house". "Just standing", "are you sure of this"? Yes, very sure. I explain my condition briefly because well a long version is at least a marathon of a race and I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of it. The doctor explains to me that my condition has started to include my bones. Oy! my bones! Okay I say, " am already diagnosed with osteoporosis, osteopenia, osteoarthritis, and yes the final firework is AS. With silence filling the room and the doctor writing things down I blurt out CAN I STILL BE AN ARTIST!!!!!! I WANT TO KNOW! With startled eyes the doctor looks at me smiles and says "it will be fine"......

"Your arm isn't just broken at the wrist. Your wrist is broken straight across, straight through. This is very unusual for someone of your age". "Your forearm is badly bruised to the elbow". "The radius is fractured and splintered". Are you sure you just fell"? YES I AM SURE! Patience Lord patience I say to myself.

We spend time discussing the treatment. First 6 weeks is a long arm cast that goes from the thumb to shoulder. Second is a short arm cast. Third, a metal brace. Why I'm I blogging on this now after all this time and as I am finally coming to an end? It was D day for my arm today. The day of dread. Did all my efforts to keep my arm safe work? Did I do everything right? After weeks of hearing "It will be fine" I was brought back to the x-ray room for the final images. Then escorted to the examining room. I sit and wait and pray again. Lord, please shine on me as I wait with patience.

Doctor starts mumbling things about cartilage, tendons, nerves, and I am thinking what are you saying? This is a bone break. This is fractures and swelling. I did my time. The doctor begins by saying "It will be fine".....
I stop the doctor and say "no, stop, tell me what is going on". She begins with a sigh. The bone is healed beautifully. She explains details on the screen of my images. My bones. I start to feel lost in her words. I begin to interrupt her. Will it be okay? Will I be able to work in the arts. Will I be able to make things from salvaged items? Will I be able to knit and work with fiber? She sees my face and sighs and says to me "I don't know for sure"...... The rug was pulled out from under me. What happened to the phrase "It will be fine"....... This entire time those other words were never mentioned to me.

The bottom line....
I may or may not have injured the cartilage. It may or may not of been snapped in half as well. I may or may not of injured the nerves. I may or may not of injured the tendons or even snapped them as well. The doctor says "You have hyperextension syndrome. Yes, I say. I know. Born with it. I am wanting to say GET ON WITH THIS!

The very bottom line....
I should be able to move my wrist in all these directions. I should be able to apply pressure without pain. I have had the metal brace for 3.5 weeks and the left side of my arm is hurting and sore. That is a major sign something else is happening.
I will now begin 6 weeks of  intense therapy. If this does not work. I am going to see a Nero Surgeon involving my nerves. Yep. The phrase is now no longer allowed around me. It actually makes me scream and cringe.

I beg her let me knit! Just let me knit! I am no longer calm no longer within the limits of my right mind and all I can think of is my needles! I pray Lord give me strength, bring me to my knees and give me strength.

For the next 6 weeks, I can knit up to 3 hours a day with no brace! I can sleep with no brace. They want the arm to find its healing point. I am stoked at this point! Ok I say go one what else can I do? Swim she says. YES I love the water. And the then but comes. No hammering, no lifting, no tearing things apart to rebuild them, no salvage! I sit silently. I say with my face down okay I understand.

I walk to the car and sit. I start to turn on the car and never turned the key. I sat. Within a few minutes of silence I hear the Holy Spirit within me. "You do not need salvage, you only need me for I am". You may or may not have faith. As you read this you may or not get what is going on in my head. God, is telling me is showing me a path I need. I started the car, I drove. I breathed.