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| A year in the making {2013} |
I was baptized as a newborn. Chosen for me. Done to me. As a newborn, I had no say. As a child I was taught to have manners. Taught right from wrong. My family did not attend church on a regular basis. Nor did I see my parents open a bible. Coffee tables, night stands, and the kitchen counters were bare from any indication that God existed.
I was baptized because it was the thing to do. A tradition. A baby is born and you baptize.
A was a child of a chaotic home. A home of destruction and battles. At the age of twelve I wanted church. I asked to attend. I was seeking happiness. A place without fights.
I didn't know back then that work was needed. That I needed to be right with God. I just felt safe.
As I became a mom, I went with the flow. I attended church. Enrolled my children in Sunday school. Participated in church programs and felt as if I was just walking the the walk.
Skip ahead to the age of twenty five when a car accident changed my families life. A husband who was a caring and outgoing father was physically and mentally destroyed by a service truck smashing into his car and causing physical harm. Harm that could be medically treated. However, it left him disabled. Disabled and walked away from God. During the next three years I cared for him the best I could. As I watched him destroy himself with drugs and depression. A hard choice was made. I left. I crumbled. I crumbled hard.
What happened over the next fifteen years was a battle field. I grew within my faith but something was pulling at my heart. Something was growing and I couldn't place it for the life of me. Remarried to a man of the church I had dreams and visions of shared faith. Morning devotions, family time in Gods word, a united couple in a Christ filled marriage. My world was shattered once again. During the last three years of my marriage, I searched to figure out what this pull was. Many things happened.
One evening I stood up for me. I stood up for my children. I said enough. I did not know where this voice was coming from. But I knew it was God. God was speaking for me. I stood up for my beliefs for the first time OUT LOUD. I SPOKE.
I started to search for what my heart song was saying to me. I wrote and wrote and wrote some more. I put my wants and beliefs on paper. I searched and spoke to many Pastors. I read constitutions, bi-laws, belief statements. I attended different churches. I asked and kept asking. Then one day God lead me to Calvary where it all clicked. I clicked. Or I should say became plugged in.
I am I must say, a very conservative woman of Christ. If you meat me, you will see a silly laughing child like girl who will not bend in what I believe. I had no clue there was a church body that held all things Christ Centered as I did. From communion to fellowship Calvary clicked. I can shout Gods name with out fear. I can SPREAD his message without looking like a freak. And most importantly they have a deep passion for Gods Law. Not changing it to form to society. Not inserting their own ideas. Not covering up the message to make it sound more appealing. But instead they give you the raw truth. The whole bucket of truth. Now, I am not telling you all things Calvary because that would would take quite a few hours!!!!! If you need a title, it is a conservative baptist church.
As I prepare my heart, I want to share with you a few snippets from my journey. These two passages give me such clarity!!!
Getting right with me and getting right with God was crucial for me before my baptism. I was lead by the Holy Spirit to read 1 Peter. Here below are the passages I used to get right with me and with our Lord and Savior:
1 Peter 1: 14-15
So you must live as God's obedient children. Don't slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn't know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy.
---------> My personal journal,
I know in my heart, there is no shame in knowing God. There is no sin greater than hiding from my Father. I don't have or need the power for control. For God is my Savior. Sent his Son to save me (Us) from our own destruction and malice ways. He carried the weight of the sins of this world so heavy and dripping with pain. So I (we) may be saved! No matter what I do, HE DOES FOR ME.
1 Peter 1: 22
You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.
----------> My personal journal,
SHOW | BE | LIVE = show your faith to others and be compassionate towards your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. BUT also show your faith and Gods love to those in need, in hurt, in conflict. BE in Christ daily. Live each day in his word to safe guard myself from the sins Satin places in front of me. GO FACE DOWN in His word daily. Pray deeply.
Love to you all
xoxo
Laura
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